As I walk through nature on the eve of Winter Solstice I feel the pulling and pushing, defending and releasing. There’s a real fight going on between life and death, darkness and light. All is not calm, all is not settled in the howling wind and crows frantic in the air circling the Earth. Energies are high, loud and penetrating. On the search for an object to represent New, represent light and virgin to set intentions for new beginnings.
I sit in the open space being pushed from side to side by the wind as if rocking me to feel everything around me and I do. I sit for a while and take in the turbulence of emotion outside and inside of me. I stand up and walk towards a horse standing by the fence, it gently looks at me and continues to chew on grass with no concern or worry. I begin to feel a certain release of tension and look down. Here it is, right in front of me, the object I have been looking for to use in the New Moon ritual. A stone, which energy is gently rising towards my awareness. I pick it up and put it in my pocket. It feels just right where it is. I breathe a sigh of relief and smile.
Gentle chattering of branches and distant bird songs, a little twit here and there amidst the strong wind. It feels cosy though. I am smiling, my pace is slower and something is released in me as I continue on the path of today.
I feel I am not alone, there are energies surrounding me, beings peeking from behind trees and I feel amused and smiling towards the sky. Collecting attire for my Yule log I come across nature jewels and with thanks I carry it safely with me.
Forest spreads its welcoming arms open in front of me and I hear noises of joy and peace. The wind is now behind me with its threatening howls. Squirrels acrobatically scatter through the trees, as if playing hide and seek. They sit and stare before shooting off again into the labyrinth of branches.
I feel the urge to climb a beautiful giant of tree in front of me. It is enticingly open and vibrates warmth towards me. I must touch it. It vibrates under my fingers and feels like home.
I often shapeshift with trees, who are my safest haven. I feel the wind, the earth, the rain and heat – whole elemental experience from the position of a tree. My experience is intoxicatingly knowing and in perfect alignment.
I turn off the path with renewed curiosity and the cooing of wild life invites me to explore further. There’s a knocking sound coming from my left, I am aware I am about to receive something. Ahh, there it is, It is a clearing towards light and air changes into clean, sudden wisps of beautiful flow. Softness replaces hardness, fierceness gives way to gentleness.
I find myself rooted on the spot, there is more for me here, patience. The wind drops completely and I fall into a state of semi-sleepiness with
only sounds of nature surrounding my senses. The Earth is moist, my heart softens even further. I touch the ground and it is a mixture of old and new, ripe and decayed, soft and hard – all polarities making whole in the Earth which is ALL…
The word ‘Love’ comes into my awareness and what’s this? A bit of Sun?The sky is opening up with tender light, slowly… It smells like wet moss and soil with a hint of flowery scent and woody deliciousness. It is familiar and it triggers childhood memories of picking mushrooms in late autumn, moistness of the ground.
The trees above are waving good bye to me as I walk out of the clearing and towards some houses ahead. I smile and bow.
Something is stuck in my throat, I begin to cough, something is wanting to come out – unsaid emotional pain, anger, sadness, something unexpressed wanting to be released
– a lesson from the Earth I hear. ‘Sit with it, release it free and breathe easy through the belly of the solar plexus’. I hear it, I breathe in deeply and feeling somewhat dizzy I sense all that is suppressed. In the woods I breathe
easy, outside I choke – how telling…
Next I am entering the forest again and I soon find myself feeling stronger, walking taller, with my voice waiting to erupt from my chest like a lion’s roar. I feel that Fire and follow its call into a big scream, a scream for life, a scream for love and all things just and patient. My body tingles
with the glow of gold.
I might be breathless, but I am strong
I might be fierce but I belong with all my softness and tender touch to
thee, the Earth, the universal light.
I can feel a light being behind me flowing with the wind and blessing my steps as I leave my sacred forest with renewed strength and vitality. I feel alive! Welcome light, welcome life!